Sunday, August 2, 2009

why does today have to be so bad? why do feelings have to show up when I am least ready? WHY does my son feel like TODAY is the best day to start asking questions? My life HURTS. Where I come from is SAD. Everyone I have ever met has regretted asking why one time too many. I'm SORRY. FUCKING SORRY that my truth is too hard for YOU to get. I have sugar coated it for myself and my own sanity and made it into a beautiful reality that I have to accept because UHHH it HAPPENS to be my REALITY. Do you know how many times I have heard "I don't know how you made it" ? okay that may seem acceptable to say from someone who hasn't walked a day in my shoes.... but WTF... how do you expect someone to respond to that? I have long been tired of talking.... of explaining... but my son.... well he deserves to know the truth. WTF do I do when I need to say so much so bad and finally the right person that is ready to ask does.... and I am not ready to answer? I say what I can.... I stop when it hurts... and I hope for a better day of understanding for us both. the truth...... it is there but I am not ready yet... tomorrow is another day...

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