Friday, August 26, 2011

Its a New Day

It is a new day with new challenges. I am getting better at facing each day... I think. I have some sense of normalcy with taking classes, but also a sense of being overwhelmed. Life is such a roller coaster, but I am learning that after every uphill there is always a downhill, and it will be that way until I take my last breath. It will never be just uphill.

I really should be here everyday, sharing my thoughts, relating to others, but sometimes I feel like what I say doesn't matter. Don't confuse my thoughts with a need for affirmations... I just feel like this blog has lost its importance and so I must remind myself to do it anyway for myself.

I have been thinking about writing in general lately and about how much I still want to write a book. It is another thing I need to do for myself. I get inspired easily, but I lose my motivation just as easily. I am good at ideas, not so good at following through. I haven't even finished my 30 day challenge that I started, oh, back in June I think?

I guess it shows that I have been questioning myself a lot. This new anxiety feeling that has been happening has been paralyzing at times. My Dr. insists its a medication reaction, and I sure hope so because it is HORRIBLE. I have actually wished death on myself when it was at its worst and had to go to sleep to get through it. I wonder if I am a worthwhile parent, partner, or even person. It is that bad.

Today is a new day and I am not feeling anxious so I am going to enjoy this moment, because no life is worth succumbing to feelings of hopelessness.


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