I am at an all time low and it feels like my only 2 companions lately are hopelessness and despair. I do not know how I am supposed to make it out of this place. It is so up and down. When it is down it feels like it will never be better again and when it is up, it feels like it can never go so low again. The problem is that it hasn't been going up and the anxiety, worry, and even panic, are wearing me so thin. I am getting through the bare minimums of the day, but I constantly have my hopelessness and despair with me. What if I could just leave them behind somewhere? Set them down like a briefcase with a bomb in it, and leave it behind me.
This is going to take some serious determination to get through. I can't lie, giving up seems like an option and I hate that feeling. I know there has to be a way to get better. I just have to take things one day at a time. For this moment, at least I was able to blog a little. It was hard and I feel very shaky and scared, but it means I made it through one more moment.
Oh Sweetheart, I'm so sorry you're in this dark place. But...I know you. I know that deep inside is a strong, resillient and determined woman. You've managed to live through so many horrible things in your life. I know this is different, its an unwelcome visitor that you kick out of the house but it keeps coming back. I KNOW you will get through this. I am here if you need to talk, write me!
ReplyDeleteThanks Barbara! It is so heartwarming to know you are there and that someone still listens/cares about what I have going on. I appreciate your encouragement, lord knows I need it!
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