Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Seasons Change (me)

This time of year had traditionally been a time of sadness and darkness for me. The milder sunny days, filling up slowly with clouds hinting of fall and the even colder darker winter to come... reflected how I felt on the inside. I had so many associations with all the different sad days of this time of year. The end of August through September hold some birthdays and some death days for my Mom, Grandma, Grandpa, Thomas, and my precious little baby girl.

Over the past few years, Bryson and I have been able to recreate the way this time of year feels for me. He has been a constant person of support when I am sad or lonely. We have made many great family memories and enjoyed the beautiful fall days. I even look forward to what used to be sad, empty, solemn holidays. They are once again a time for family, laughter, and new memories.

Healing takes time and effort. At one point I didn't think it could EVER get better. Reflection brings me peace and a sense of accomplishment for continuing on when I didn't want to. All the little things that made me happy today are like invaluable little tokens for choosing to live when I didn't know why I should. I believe that I will be able to give my kids the right kind of emotional support in life even though I had to find it for myself. That is one of my major life goals. I know it may not compare to the usual life goals like owning my dream home, or being promoted to such and such prestigious accomplished somebody in some company, but it is a more important goal to me.

1 comment:

  1. This is really beautiful. I to had difficult days on what I would call the "anniversary" times of my life. This particular season, this month is one of the most painful that I had experienced, but out of the ashes is arising something very new and beautiful.

    My husband and child have recreated this season into something fresh, lovely, new, & joyous.

    I to want stability for my child more so than any other gift life can offer, and I want to be the source of that stability as I know far to well the ache and pain of being ALONE.

    Bless you, your work, your truth.