wasted lives

Can a life ever truly be wasted? Can any life's worth ever be determined? Only to the individual making that determination. In perhaps what is my idea of the worst example of a life being wasted. A mother feels she must kill her infant daughter after a normal healthy pregnancy and birth, because said daughter cannot contribute in the right way for the needs of the mother's current family or society. This is a practice both current and of many many years past.

Will nothing ever come from this one individual little life lost? Maybe the mother will look back on the time she shared with that child in her tummy and it will mean something one day. Her society continues to fail and the same men of the same society- the surviving infant boys themselves- begin to fail and lose lives. Maybe she will never look back and that life lost will have to be more the value of what that loss meant. Maybe the disposed of little remains will be discovered one day, and they will affect the person who found them in a profound way.

Some people get to a point where their past choices leave them zero choice in what their life means. Prisoners, addicts (and I mean all types- food, sex, substance, work, etc), victims of abuse. The difference between these people and the infant girl who's life's fate was decided for her, is that every moment that they are here is a chance to make a different choice. A chance to to take a step towards making a difference- to themselves, to a loved one, to a stranger. Does a person have to want to affect others for it to happen? Obviously not. Even negative choices and what many people would call a "waste of life" can have a positive effect on someone else. Sometimes they may not even know they affected anyone at all- even when they are dead and gone.

Where am I going with this? Well as I have written it, I realize there are many things that all of this means to me, but I am going to stick to why I originally started this today. I am still wondering, what gives anyone any jurisdiction to decide the value of a life? I am getting increasingly aggravated by all of the propaganda that is continuing to lead this country around like a stray dog. American people are hungry to have something, to eat, and to belong somewhere.

Why is it that only the people with some sort of social class, societal standing, prestigious job, money, or that are working and paying taxes seem to have a voice? Everyone says Obama isn't listening. Maybe your right, maybe he isn't. MAYBE he is working hard to be a VOICE for people that cannot speak for themselves... people working 2 jobs to barely take care of their kids, people who have no paid time off, and no health insurance and wouldn't be able to pay their rent if they missed two days of work to go to a government protest, much less the money to get a flight, take a road trip, find a sitter, and eat, while traveling to Washington D.C. so that their own voice can be heard.

Now I realize, there is likely to already be a a new perception and perhaps judgement of what I am saying. People tend to get judged simply by association. I have just made an association with Obama that is likely to get me labeled rather quickly. Thing is, I am not ready to have a political association. I like playing devil's advocate, and opening up the possibilities of a situation and I definitely have my own opinions which I am absolutely entitled to. That being said, I have no right to JUDGE.

It is much easier to think of MY self, MY health care, MY Social Security, MY taxes and what I need. I personally don't have that option. I am one of the people who has mixed feelings about the government and likely always will. I am one of the many many Americans caught in middle class society, with student loan debts and a worthless degree in this economy. My husband works full time, but has no health insurance benefits available. I want a promising future for my family, but at what cost?

Can I be proud of a government that has covered up all the people still suffering since Hurricane Katrina that are still displaced, some still not knowing where their family got misplaced, if they even made it at all? People that don't get to decide if they go to a woman gynecologist or the best specialist accross the country and how much their outrageous copay for these things will be, because they have NO health insurance and they won't be able to afford ANY Dr.? Children going without basic healthcare. What happens when one of these children get Leukemia at age 5. Do you think, even with all of the foundations, mostly started by people that were busily working away at the American dream, when their own child was taken from them, that there is ever enough help to treat all of these children? Does it only matter if it is YOUR child?

I feel a constant sense of "only the strong survive" vs. moral obligation. What really IS best? ....and is the question even asking me or you what is best, or is it really what is best for the "people" as a whole?

I, unfortunately cannot rely on this country to help me raise my children. I cannot look to any one mortal man or woman for destroying my future or giving me hope. I fear that people really are so hopeless that they allow themselves to fall victim to propaganda and do not take the time to educate themselves and their loved ones.

I see people using their control in government positions of all levels, to fulfill their own inner emptiness. I also see people bursting forth with wholeness and goodness, taking the extra step to give back to society. Often times these same two people may work side by side.... passed the same background check, winning resume on file, equal salaries, equal responsibility, equal amount of power over another person or people. What is the chain of command that allowed for yet another person to judge their character? Who has decided that their opinions and motives are more valuable than yours or mine?

I challenge myself daily to ask myself, "What am I? Who am I? What do I want to be?" I also humble myself by asking "Who am I to judge?"

This reminds me of something my grandpa explained to me when I was little...

Whenever we went to church, my grandpa put $1 in the offering plate. Never did anyone question his judgement in doing so. Whenever my grandpa saw a beggar at a corner, he gave them $1. Everyone questioned his judgement in doing so.

One night when we were sitting and talking, he explained it to me. He said, "It is not my place to judge. I do not give $1 away because I expect something. I give it because I have it to give. My family has everything that they need and I have something extra. I do not know any better where the $1 in the offering basket goes, then I do where the $1 I give to the beggar goes. The intention to help someone is still the same."

I think I feel the same way about my taxes.