Friday, February 26, 2010

I am hiding...



Darkness is coming for me. I cannot tell as of yet if it is just one of those days, or if it is one of those times when darkness comes and tries to take me to that place.  It has been lingering... grasping at me, despite emotional defenses being armed.

Every time I have an emotional turnover that really impacts my well being, I always consider if it is severe enough to merit a visit to the Dr. The answer is always no, but the question is more important than the answer. The question is one of my tools. It reinstates that facing it alone is not the only option. Facing it alone has been too unbearable in the past, and has almost led to ending it alone.

My body feels the drain. Insomnia taunts my exhaustion, leaving me powerless and tearful. Sleep calls to me, reaching for the longing in my soul that calls out to her. Seconds seem like hours; the clock is the constant bearer of bad news; time my newest nemesis.  People around me do not understand and I take the time that I need because it is not easily given. 

I see the sun peeking through my window, hope floating by on vague but distinguished rays of light. The darkness is two steps behind, but I am hiding with hope.

















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12 comments:

  1. There is no one alive who knows better than you what you need right now. I am hoping for you. I believe in you and I see a powerful strength in what seems weakness.

    I don't and cannot always relate nor understand, but that does not mean there is not sincere care floating toward you. I send these words your way with hope & love.

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  2. I don't have much to offer at the moment.... the darkness has come for me too. But maybe that means we aren't alone in it. So I will sit with you, and we will outlast it.
    Praying for you too.

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  3. I'm afraid I'm falling back into that place. So I too, will sit with you and Susan and everyone else who is waiting and praying. God knows what He's doing so if we hold onto that, maybe it won't be so bad.

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  4. Somehow you turn darkness into beauty here on the page. I hope you can find a way to do that in life, too.

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  5. I wish I could offer you some 'words of wisdom' but I, too, am in the darkness right now.
    I'm sorry you are feeling the need to hide....~ Grace

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  6. This too shall pass. Until then, you are not alone. I am praying for you.

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  7. "People around me do not understand and I take the time that I need because it is not easily given." Recognizing your own need and taking the time shows tremendous wisdom and strength. More than you realize.

    You are not alone in the dark. We will all sit together, hold hands and soon the sun will be back. You are in my prayers.

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  8. I had one of these dark phases last weekend - it felt awful and I felt extremely alone. I too questioned visiting a doctor.. But a couple days later, and I felt a teeny light deep within me that told me I was going to be OK, without pills, without anything.. and guess what? I am.

    Sending positive vibes your way. You have got it IN you to get thru this dark phase.

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  9. Hi Sweetheart. I hope it passes quickly. Its reassuring to know that you have tools and are using them...that question is so important. If it turns to yes, you know what to do. A lot of us can relate to depression and these dark feelings. You are not alone even if it feels like it. Thinking of you.

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  10. Lets go Sun gazing.Look toward life! Pull yourself out before anything can poison that beautiful soul! You seem so full of emotion. All darkness is not bad, but be sure to examine it thoroughly before stepping inside. <3

    Feel Good. Feel Love.

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  11. The sun is out here too and I am sooo glad to see Her shining face. The air is still cold and the ground isn't ready for tilling but the sun will come out tomorrow too...It helps my soul..

    Have a bright and warm weekend.

    namaste

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  12. I'm keeping a good thought for you. My darkness has stayed where it belongs for a while, showing up expectedly and not as an unwelcome guest. Don't let your candle blow out.

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