Sunday, February 7, 2010

just... adjusting, tired, existing. Just HERE.


I haven't been around for much in terms of the blog world. It took me all day to catch up on all the blogs I love, but I just didn't have the energy to comment. Sorry. We got our tax return and I have been busy catching up on bills, buying long desired things, and well honestly... just being worn out by so many THINGS. I also got a much needed break from my mischievous much loved, beautiful terrible, two year old, but being away from her for 3 days still caused stress and anxiety .

I am really thankful that we are able to do these things, but having a lot of new stuff is exhausting. I finally got a laptop, but as excited as I am for this long awaited luxury, I am not comfortable with it yet. I am used to the computer environment that I so loathed before, and typing on this portable computing powerhouse is awkward. I do not feel the solitude that I have in my office. It was something that separated me from my family, something that I thought I didn't want. That caused me to want a laptop so that I could be ever present in my family's life, something that I took for granted. Now I AM ever present... and I am thankful... AND grieving my solitude.

This is one of those adjustment times in my life. I have no expectations of accomplishing anything. I am content with one moment at a time and I have realistic expectations of just existing until I adjust and adapt to all of the change. I have a lot to consider, a lot to be excited for, a lot to adjust to, and only the future to get through... one moment at a time.

6 comments:

  1. Adjusting can be very exhausting. I'll keep you in mind. (:

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  2. Its good to hear an update from you! I've been thinking about you. Can you take the laptop into the other room? You have a great attitude about life. I love it.

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  3. :) new laptop? EXCITING!

    I have been really out of it too! I think its just that time of the year!

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  4. I understand your feelings as I have never got used to my lap top. I believe it feels my unfriendly feelings because it never works properly... I do share "one moment at the time"....

    LOL

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  5. Keep posting stuff like this i really like it

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