It Doesn't Make Sense....

... but it does make a lot of noise! My mind that is.

I am in medication hell. Who knew that starting a simple med 6 months ago would send my life in a tail spin? "No regrets," is what mind keeps saying, because after all, regret is not going to help me now.

I do have the medication to thank for my quitting drinking. I thought I had just outgrown it and my "phase" was over, but the medication has an alcohol sensitivity side effect that NOT ONE DR MENTIONED TO ME! Oh yay for being a human guinea pig. I don't know what I would do without the information I can find online.

I switched Dr's- I had to- and I have one who seems to care, but she is a little too prescription happy. The tramadol was a miracle for my back. She upped my does a little like I had asked my jack a$$ Dr. before today and I was feeling really great! Then BAM- headaches at every dose that progressed into migraines. Well dammit man.

So In the last two weeks we have tried instant release percocet- no tylenol (watching liver enzymes) too strong and made me too nauseated. Norco's- no nausea but didn't touch my pain and they have tylenol. Now I am on diluadid. DILUADID! It is working on my pain- of course, but I am freaking nodding and my neurontin already cause that at times. Hello? I have 3 kids.... the biggest reason I need some help with my back pain. Knocking me out is not an option. sigh.

I have an appointment Friday to discuss meds again and she suggested I consider a pain patch to bypass the nausea problems my gastric bypass causes with most narcotics. I will probably be in opiate withdrawal by Friday. I tried the tramadol again out of desperation and still got a headache.

I also have a psych appointment on Wednesday. Yes me- the bipolar 10 plus med free girl is getting evaluated. Why? Well the neurontin (which I am on for nerve pain) is a mood stabilizer, which is great except I was ok before and now I am dependent on it. The narcotics of course also mess with my brain pain. I dont want to get to a point of abusing them because they numb my emotional pain as well as my back pain, but I was barely living for several months because of pain so I need some form of relief.

I am doing physical therapy and hot tub therapy :) I have seen quite an improvement and have also lost some weight in the process.

I am making myself a promise and am challenging myself to a 30 day blogathon- meaning I am going to post everyday. I have so much going on and I need to get it out somewhere. For some reason I have shied away from writing. Its like isolating from a friend. I have also signed up to do book reviews on my blog and I don't think it is fair if I am not regularly posting, so 2 goals- first the 30 days- then timely book reviews.

As far as some quick updates on my family for those who are interested (warning may be boring!):

Destin ran away and was almost hospitalized again. Our intense outpatient services (that have been happening since the last hospitalization and include about 8 hours with three different professionals a week) saved him from it. He is on the med rollercoaster too. I took him out of his school and he is doing homebound with a tutor. I will go into details on him in a future post.

Aliviya is kind of in the middle and just plugging along. She learned the hard way a friend was dragging her down and is working to recover her grades and studies since that experience. I am proud of her. She also got her period- which she would kill me if she knew I was telling. She gets left behind attention wise because Victorya (3 year old- is a constant) and Destin has a lot going on. We are working hard on her not looking to negative attention and trying to keep her positive.

Victorya is a busy busy body and I can't believe her comprehension for a 3 year old. She is usually very entertaining. She will hopefully start preschool in the fall.

I am enrolled for summer classes and waiting on financial aid for the final ok. If I can pass this algebra class that I am dreading, I will only have one more semester until graduating with my A.G.S. and dun duh dunnnn, I think I want to be a guardian ad litem for children in dependency and neglect cases. What irony! I am going to start gathering info and making calls to figure out the requirements and if there will be any huge barriers considering my background. Time will tell.

I have so much more to update, but I know too long of posts, especially update ones, get borrrrring.